Going For Who You Want.
“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” ~ Wayne Gretzky
The following article is not so much an advice or tip, but more of a plea to everyone out there who are inches away from having who they want, but are too scared, nervous or messed up to just go for it. Now, usually when I talk about this particular topic with someone, they are frustrated because there are someone in their life that they want to hook up with, but they’re afraid to just go for it for several (bad) reasons. In this article, I’m going to take a look at some of the most common excuses people give, and help you understand why they are bullcrap.
So, here we go, the top excuses people give for not pursuing or taking initiative with the people they are attracted to:
He/She won’t be interested.
How do you know? People constantly underestimate themselves, and you are probably no better than everyone else. The rule of thumb is: If he/she doesn’t mind having a conversation with you, they’re probably interested enough for you to pursue this further and take it to the next level. And if you don’t yet know whether or not he/she would be interested in a conversation with you – find out! Grab your phone, log on to facebook or walk across the room to the person you’d like to speak with and strike up a conversation.
Of course, the truth is that we have conversations every day with people we’re not sexually or romantically interested in, but you can’t let a silly fact like that bother you. If you follow this rule of thumb you’ll never have to miss another opportunity to take any relationship to the next level. If you don’t, you’ll never know what could’ve been!
I don’t want to come off as desperate/easy/too eager.
This excuse most often come from women, and is a result of faulty social programming.
First of all, shame on you for even using a word such as “easy” or any equivalent thereof! If you haven’t already, check out my friend Johnnys Seductive Reasoning 101 and never ever think like that again! There Is no such thing as being easy/slutty/whatever. It is all just misconceptions.
Secondly, who the f**k cares how you “come off” as long as you get results? Do you think Apple’s Steve Jobs cares that some people might think he looks like a bouncing baboon when he does his product launches? Do you think lifestyle guru Tony Robbins cares if some people think he’s a know-it-all? Do you think Bill Gates cares if people think he’s a nerd? Do you think Casanova cared if people thought he was a player? No. They couldn’t care less, because what they do get results, and that’s the important part!
If you want someone, go for it. The worst thing that can happen is that he/she turns you down, and if they do, at least you’ll know that they aren’t interested and you won’t have to go around spending tons of time and energy wondering what could’ve been.
It’s the guys job to take the initiative.
Again a female excuse. And again, shame on you! I know that a lot of women love to be the sought-after, some to the extent that they figure that “if he isn’t willing to work for me, he isn’t good enough for me”. Please, get down off of your high horse, all you’re doing is making sure that you are missing out on a lot of great guys!
Now, don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with preferring confident guys and whatnot, but excluding someone just because they’re not the one to make the first move is in 90% of the cases just an excuse for you being too scared to do so yourself. And besides, some guys won’t even realize that they are attracted to you until you let them know that they have a shot at you. It might sound weird, but it’s true.
He/She is out of my league.
This is mostly a guy thing to think, but unfortunately a lot of girls fall into this trap every now and then too. Well, let me tell you this: There is no such thing as a league!
There are so many components of you that make you who you are, that it is simply impossible to tell who will and who won’t be attracted to you. Looks might capture someone’s interest, but unless your personality matches what they are attracted to, they’ll lose interest in seconds. And if your looks is not what attracts someone to you, your personality might. I’ve experienced both sides several times when I’ve met girls who were either incredibly physically attractive until they started talking, or girls who weren’t attractive at first glance, but who charmed my pants off (often both literally and figuratively) as soon as I got to know them.
The most important advice I can give on this subject is this: Don’t let your window of opportunity close. When you meet someone you’re attracted to, make your move and make sure you get to know them better. If you wait too long, they might put you in the dreaded “friend zone” and/or disappear, and if they do you’ll never know what could’ve been. It Is much better to risk rejection than to miss opportunities to have something great with someone you like!
I’m going to leave you with one of my favorite quotes, this time from Woody Allen who could just as easily have been talking about success with seduction instead of success in your career:
“95% of success is showing up.” ~ Woody Allen.
~ Tj ~
Tj Guttormsen is a Norwegian lifestyle- and attraction coach. He runs 
Hei Tj! Gir opp engelsken jeg, så jeg kan skrive en kommentar som består av mer enn “So true” og “well written!”
Du har så rett i det du skriver, og om man hele tiden skal sitte og vente på å bli sjekket opp blir ting ganske så kjedelig. 70% av det beste med det hele, er spenningen under ‘jakten’, det å utfordre seg selv og gå utenfor hum.. hva kalles det? Trygghets-sonen?
Finnes ikke mange som blir fornærmet over å bli sjekket opp, de fleste tar det jo som et kompliment selv om de avviser, så da er det eneste som kan ende opp med å bli skadet selvfølelsen til den som sjekker opp.. Sett ting i riktig perspektiv, så er det noe positivt med alt… Skulle man være uheldig og bli avvist, så har man i det minste utfordret seg selv ;D
“80 percent of success is showing up”
- Woody Allen
“95 percent of success is showing up”
- Tj Guttormsen
I like the extra 15 percent!
Sometimes I ask my girlfriends (venninner; hvorfor mangler det ordet på engelsk?) how important it is for them that a guy is good at picking up girls. Usually they answer that it doesn’t matter at all. Then I explain to them that as long as they don’t take the initiative, the only thing the guys they end up with has got in common is precisely that they’re good at picking up girls. And that wasn’t important, right?
That was a very good and helpful article!
I’ve got this crush on a wonderful girl, and it seems like our personalities fit perfect together. However, I’m too scared to go up and talk to her except when I’m drunk. But on Facebook we have this wonderful and flirty vibe.
So next time I’ll grab my balls, go up to her and start flirting. Maybe it will be the beginning of an amazing relationship
Freckles: A quick google-search shows quotes ranging from 70 – 95.. However, most of them do indeed say 80%, so I consider myself corrected
Derek: That sounds like an amazingly good idea!
Hey, nice blogpost =)
Do you have any tips for continuing forward, even if you get rejected and just want to flip back in your comfort zone? Because now i feel like im trying once, failing, going back to comfort zone for a while, trying again etc. :/
Hey Duck!
One of my best tricks is to build momentum, and by that I mean that you don’t stop and lean back. Turn this into a habit, make sure that you constantly push forward in your development in stead of retracting into your comfort zone on a regular basis.
In other words – when you want to flip back in your comfort zone, don’t. Look around, find your next challenge, and push forward towards that one. If you make pushing your comfort zone a habit, you’ll pretty soon realize that staying inside of it gets boring
Take a look at my Happy Habits post for more info on habits: http://www.seductiveliving.com/creating-happy-habits/
orker ikke engelsken her jeg,sorry:)
bra artikkel som jeg trengte idag da jeg har sittet i to dager å lett frem ynskyldninger for ikke sjekke opp han jeg har lyst på…:)men,avisning er skummelt,speielt fra en som han:)
Men om han sier nei, så vet du i hvert fall det! Du slipper kaste bort mer tid på å gruble over han, og kan være åpen for å se etter nye muligheter!
Det er kun gode sider ved det, om du bare vinkler det riktig
nå er jeg velsignet med en real dose selvtillit heldigvis,noen ganger sikkert for mye vil noen si,men sånt bryr jeg meg lite med:)men det er ikke det samme som at det ikke er skummelt å falle,men det gjør vi alle av og til:)
så jeg kjører på jeg.
Good girl!