Choosing Happy Memories Over Grief..
Yesterday I went to my grandmother’s funeral. She was the last of my grandparents, and she lived to be 87 years old. Born on Valentines Day in 1923, she married my grandfather just after WWII and had a total of 8 children. My grandfather died a few years after the birth of their last son, my dad, and my grandma raised the entire family on her own. Over the years, these 8 children gave her 21 grandchildren, who produced a total (so far) of 18 great-grandchildren. Needless to say, the church was packed with people of all ages who wanted to say their final goodbyes, and they all had a very important choice to make.
It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, the birds were singing and all of a sudden summer seemed to have arrived to northern Norway. Sitting in church I found it hard to pay attention to what the priest was saying, and what songs were being sung. Not only because I’m not a religious person, but also because I found myself overwhelmed by emotions. The grief I felt was expected, but what I didn’t expect was the feeling of calmness and peace. As the priest talked, my mind drifted to memories of old. Memories of my grandmother sitting by her kitchen table, smiling and laughing. Memories of going to bingo with her as a kid. Memories of how she took care of all of her grandchildren. Of her love for all those around her. Of joy, happiness and appreciation. All of a sudden, the tears of sadness and loss that were streaming down my chin were mixed with tears of happiness, and I caught myself smiling.
Whenever you experience loss, you have a choice. You can decide to wallow in grief and sadness, thinking only of what you lost, what could’ve been and what you want the most. Or you can focus on the memories that make you happy. The memories of when what you’ve lost made you smile, and then realize that even if you might not have any more of those moments, you had those – and they deserve to be treasured.
Whether you lose a loved one, break up with your partner, grow apart from an old friend or lose your job, it is up to you to handle it in the best way possible for you and those around you.
I lost my beloved grandma, and I choose to make any tears I shed over her passing, tears of joy and appreciation. I choose to smile when I remember her and her life. I choose this, not only because it makes me feel better, but because that is what she would have wanted.
What do you choose when you lose something?
~ TJ ~
Tj Guttormsen is a Norwegian lifestyle- and attraction coach. He runs 
Hey TJ,
Sorry to hear about your loss and glad to hear about your happy realization. When I’ve lost great grand-parents and other family members, I find that it is often a loss best reclaimed by a remembrance of the positive times like you said. It’s a great thing to have had that person in your life and they never really leave that place in your heart. When it feels so much like someone has been taken away, the memory so close to your heart can bring them right back. It’s really a special thing. Your grandmother sounds like she was wonderful, especially as there were so many people at her funeral. Life really is about the choices we make and it’s great that you’ve chosen to acknowledge so much of what is good in the life of your grandmother.
I remember when my great aunt passed away in April 2000 here in Vancouver – it snowed on the day of her funeral. This is very unlike the usual April weather here but it was such a great omen to me because she loved the snow. I knew she was at peace and it reminded me that there is so much more to life happening. Yes, I grieved, but I also chose to remember the happy times in her life. It’s interesting that you posted this as I was just thinking about her today!
Your heart is in the right place. She knows that.
Isaac
It’s like I said the day she passed away, “no one is truly lost, who lives on in your memories”.
Thanks for a wonderful comment Isaac
~TJ~
its always sad to loose someone you love,but its not a good alternativ to cry for a very long time,i have lost many freands and many people in my family and i have almost been dead my self so i know one thing,live like its suposed to be your last day,you never know.
vel,litt norsk
jeg er nok den typen som ike gråter alt for lenge,det finnes så mye der ute,gode ting,så mister jeg noe så prøver jeg tenke det var ikke meningen denne gangen,men neste gang da… 
og kjempebra du klarer tenke sånn tj når du mistet bestemoren din,og det er jo sant,hun ville nok ikke ønsket du skulle gråte av sorg i evigheter,men sorg er kjærlighet,man sørger ikke over noen man ikke har elsket.
ha en flott helg.
Sterkt gjordt av deg å klare allerede så tidlig å fokusere bare på de gode minnene! Selv trenger jeg et par ukers tid for å komme over den værste sorgen, før jeg sakte men sikkert kan plukke frem de gode minnene uten å knekke helt sammen…
Som med alt annet er nok dette en veldig individuell prosess. Det viktigste er nok bare at man finner det som funker best for en selv, og sørger for å ta best mulig vare på seg selv i prosessen.
Absolutt! Den beste måten å hedre mennesker vi er glade i, men som har gått bort, er jo å ta vare på de gode minnene en har sammen.
Good one! And so true. Thankx for making me shifting focus.
I really needed it now.
Any time Christina