Third principle: Happiness.
“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be.”
~ Abraham Lincoln.
Happiness is the third principle in the HAHA-model. To truly be happy, you need to recognize that happiness is a choice. It is not something that comes from external sources, but something that comes from within yourself, and thus something you can control!
Now this is a tough one for a lot of people. The general consensus in the western world seems to be that happiness is something that happens by accident, that is brought to you by others, or that only shows up when you accomplish something. Well, let me tell you, I’ve travelled in third world countries, done work with mentally and physically disabled people and worked with homeless kids in a war stricken Afghanistan, and in my opinion, the western world in general knows nothing about happiness. I’m going to argue that happiness comes from within, and that the only person who can truly make you happy is you.
What you focus on is what you get – happiness comes from within.
Humans are equipped with a psychological system called the Reticular Activation System (RAS). This system is in place to help us screen what information is important to us and what is not. At any given time during the day we are bombarded with sensory information. As you read this, your eyes are giving you visual information, your ears are giving you auditory information, your body is giving you kinesthetic information, your nose and mouth is giving you smell and taste, and.. well, I won’t get into the debate on how many senses we really have. RAS’ job is to make sure that you don’t suffer from sensory overload, so it blocks out a lot of this information. I’ll bet that you weren’t consciously aware just exactly how your left big toe felt until you read this sentence? That is because until you read that sentence, that feeling didn’t seem important enough for RAS to let through to your consciousness, simply because you weren’t focusing on it.
The same system is what decides which feelings you should be feeling. If you focus on something negative, RAS will send through any information that supports your view and you’ll consciously be aware of the negative emotions floating around inside of you. Well guess what, this works the other way around too! If you focus on the positive aspects of any situation you might be in, you will start experiencing positive emotions. Turning something bad to something good, seeing the silver lining if you will, is often called reframing, and I’m going to describe that technique to you right now.
The Power of the Reframe.
A few weeks ago I was at the airport getting ready to go to Vegas. As I approach the check-in counter I was informed that my flight was 6 hours delayed. Not only had I not slept in over 24 hours or eaten in over 12, but I also realized that I wasn’t going to make my connecting flight in Newark that was going to take me to Los Angeles, where I had another connecting flight to Vegas. This meant that I’d have to spend the night in Newark and miss the first day of the workshop I was coaching at in Las Vegas. A pretty sucky situation, right? Well, yes. I wasn’t happy at first. Then I reframed the whole situation: Instead of travelling for 27 hours straight with little sleep (I can’t sleep on planes) and little food (airlinefood hardly qualify as food) and arriving in Vegas late at night, tired, hungry, dirty and grumpy, I would now have a 9 hour trip, then have the opportunity to get a good meal and a good night sleep at a hotel. I got a direct flight from Newark to Vegas which saved me a lot of travelling, and I’d be there bright and early in the morning, rested, energetic and ready to go. All of a sudden my delay seemed like a blessing.
Reframing is all about finding the silver lining. And there is always a silver lining, you just have to be willing to find it! The problem most people have is that they are very comfortable in their misery. Misery is a well-known feeling, and stewing in it is safe and familiar. And besides, other people will feel sorry for them, give them lots of attention and comfort, and make a big deal about them. These people often tell me that “you can’t go around being happy all the time! The world just doesn’t work like that!” Sure it does. If you want it to. You can choose to be happy as often as you can, and then deal with the few bad times that you are simply unable to reframe when they show up. Or you can live your life being miserable, or even neutral, and then enjoy the few positive things that shows up (and that you are unable to reframe as negative). Consider the two following graphs, which one would you like to have representing your happiness?
I’ll take the first one please!
I would also like to direct you to an entry my friend Violet Marcell wrote in her blog on the subject of happiness yesterday. It’s an awesome post, and I agree with every word of it! Read it here!
To your happiness!
~Tj~
Tj Guttormsen is a Norwegian lifestyle- and attraction coach. He runs 
